This post will probably be deleted.

I’ve been thinking of simplifying this site by tons. Making it into a one page site that links to all my internet projects and presences. This would either have me abandoning a blog or moving the content to another site entirely.

I control several domains, and I like the idea of a clearinghouse for them. I also like the idea of rerolling a new website. I’m kind of bored here. I think it would be fun and fine if I had the time to update the ”Things I Hate,” the “Ugly Shirts,” the galleries, the journal, etc.!

I haven’t updated it in some time, but I like the idea of what I did over on fervorflower.com. Micro sites. Each section designed and put up in it’s own area. The only issue I have there is some of that now needs redesigned as well, since it looks like crap on the iPhone (and who has time for that!).

I like this domain. I don’t really want to see it go away, but at the same time if I am not going to make something out of it I don’t see a reason to keep paying for it.

The cost is minimal for a .name TLD, but ever the $20 or $30 a year could be better spent if I’m going to neglect the site. It just seems like a lot of work. It’s easier to just allow this to continue.

I love writing. I love reading. Few things make me happier than realizing that I can be clever on paper. The perfect sentence is a thing of joy to read. It’s something else entirely to actually produce such words.

I love writing. Poems, short stories, letters, site comments, etc. I don’t think I’ve gone a day in quite some time without doing some form of writing. There are aspects of writing I dislike. It can be tedious. It has rules. Often it is difficult and feels like work. Some writing just isn’t that rewarding. Or, more accurately some writing is more rewarding. Even a poorly crafted poem is something you’ll show others. A short story is a fun investment of time (telling yourself stories is fun if you’ve never tried). But Stories and poems take time, and it’s also frustrating when these don’t go well. Sometimes you need to hide the results and pretend you never wrote them. The stakes can be high even if you’re like me and only do it for fun.

Elevate this into a job or —gasp— a career and you’ve sucked the joy right out of it. To some degree, and I have no first hand knowledge, this is like someone who likes sex trying to make a living in porn.

So I noodle (with writing!). I satisfy this urge by arguing with idiots on the internet, spouting stupid shit on twitter, and writing a few letters a week.

I think a lot of the writing I do is totally masturbatory. It’s just a toss off meant to satisfy the urge to string letters together. I wish I did more substantive writing. In 10 years I’ve rather have 50 short stories to look back on. They are always a fun moment in time. Even when they read as dated fiction I can still see the way I thought about something or remember what was going on in my head (in a way you can’t reproduce with a journal).

Anyway, this is just a dumb way to write that I think I am planning on changing the focus of what I write. This will probably mean I spend less time on certain sites, and for sure means less time writing letters. I hope to keep my letters site to a letter a week, but honestly, I won’t cry if it falls to a level lower than that. Like I said, some writing inherently has more value. Sure, I like entertaining people, and I know people like jackassletters, but I would like to do some other things. Would like to spend time writing things I could show to strangers without having to give some long weird explanation, “Well, I write people and companies and say stupid shit and hope they respond in kind. It’s an expensive hobby. No, not all of it’s funny. Why? Fuck if I know. It’s just what I do.”

For a while I think I am going to try to do some other things as well. I might even read a book!

Well, not dying any time soon.

This wasn’t exactly in question, but I was thinking it might be.

I haven’t been feeling well for a long while now, and it seemed to be getting worse, not better. I was popping cough drops like you couldn’t believe. I’ll be investigated for fraud when I submit the receipts for flex spending. No way a normal person could possibly eat as many of these as I was. It wasn’t impossible for me to munch 40 in a day. The package says “One every two hours.” Six was my minimum. I guess if I am going to abuse over-the-counter medication cough drops are the way to go, but still.

I had discomfort in my throat and difficulty breathing. I’m not sure what was causing either. My doc says it was some sort of virus. But I was not feeling well for months.

Good days, bad days. Everyone has some of each, but my goods were way outweighed by the bads. I don’t want to be dramatic, but I was kind of thinking that’s what it feels like when you’re dying. Well, not exactly. Not in like the final-hours-to-live sense, but rather in the it’s-only-going-to-get-worse-until-you-die sense. I’d get a day where I thought I was imagining everything, then it’d go all suck on me again.

My doctor gave me inhalers, but you had to use them 6 times a day! Um, I don’t do anything that many times in a day and I can’t keep track of the days of the week, so this wasn’t going to be a very decent option. Besides, like I said, I’d convinced myself I was dying, so some inhaler wasn’t going to change that! So I made another appointment with a second doctor for the proverbial second opinion.

The insane (and I picked that word deliberately) thing about seeing both these doctors is that I felt fine on the day of the appointment. Remember, I did mention I’d had some good days, but I’d get bad enough that I felt like I had to go, but by the time I could actually get in things were much better. I was starting to think it was all in my mind (and it still may be).

The most good days I’d previously had in a row were 4. This is day 5 of feeling fine. I’m starting to feel like it’s behind me.

I have another follow-up at the end of the month. I’ll have to come up with a way to explain that I didn’t want to do the inhalers.

OK, I don’t really hate ads. I know they are what pay for a site, but I hate ads that look like the graphic I am including here. Sites that tend to have these horrible ads get closed pretty quickly. What sucks is more and more sites seem to be running them. I am here to ask them to stop. Please stop. Think of the children.

I have no idea why this graphic isn’t animating, but trust me, you don’t want it to.