I can believe I am up to 39 letters written. Most of them have been mailed even. I think I have like 5 to send out tomorrow. No replies yet, but I really hadn’t thought there would be. I do expect to have a fairly high rate of replies, but the first letters were only sent out last Friday. It hasn’t even been a week yet. It’s a bit much to be thinking I’d have some already. I still look every day and am excited to go to the mailbox, which was half the goal.

This site is suffering though. I haven’t made as many in depth posts here, and I’ve missed a couple days lately. Oh well. I do what’s fun. And right now that the letters I’ve been writing. I doubt she’ll write back, so I’ll post the one I’m sending to Dr. Laura tomorrow:

April 17, 2008

Dr. Laura Schlessinger
P.O. Box 8120
Van Nuys, CA 91409

Dear Dr. Schlessinger,

Did you ever see the episode of West Wing where you were lampooned? I kind of think that was unfair, since I know you would have stood up when the President entered the room, right?

I saw the naked pictures of you on the internet. There are some things a man wishes he could just unsee! I didn’t have even one impure thought. It was worse than the time I watched the “2 Girls 1 Cup” video. Have you ever seen that? It’s disgusting.

Speaking of photos…can I get an autographed one? I prefer one where your clothes are on,  but that’s really up to you.

I listen to your show, but think you are evil. Whenever I find myself agreeing with you I have to reexamine my beliefs. Thankfully this doesn’t happen too often.

Sincerely,

Christopher L. Jorgensen

As you can see, I’m not really a fan of hers and would like to see her defenestrated. Or just permanently muted.

I’ve started to write companies and individuals letters. I am wanting responses. For the most part the letters are stupid with a hint of something real. I plan to make a website out of the letters and responses. Mostly because I want to learn something new. I am trying to teach myself php. I could knock out the site I have planned with what I already know in a weekend, but this isn’t the point. I want to learn php. Just like when I taught myself html I needed a project to work on. I learn from doing. Well, I am doing. I’ve written the following people or organizations:

• apple
• archerfarms
• burtsbees
• bush
• cheney
• coke
• crackerbarrel
• creamcheese
• hobbylobby
• ihop
• kfc
• michaels
• oreilly
• pepsi
• perkins
• perkins school for the blind
• pizzaranch
• snickers
• benandjerrys
• boca
• buffett
• culver
• gardenburger
• gates
• iowalottery
• lacie
• melissas
• peta
• the pope
• annies
• conan
• hillary
• mccain
• obama

I’ll let you know who writes back. The above is pretty much in the order of who I wrote first (sorted alphabetically).

Rough Draft “About Page”

Is my motivation greed? Am I just clamoring after free stuff? No. Free stuff is cool, but I also intend to enjoy the process. I fully expect to enjoy the responses more than any of the swag. Daily I make the trip to my mail box only to see it stuff with junk mail and bills. I want to look forward to getting mail again.

I’ve come up with a few rules that I am surely to violate.

 
• All letters must not contain lies (they don’t have to be the truth, they just can’t lie).
 
• Letters (errors and all) will appear here exactly like the were sent.
 
• All envelopes must be hand addressed.
 
• I can’t ask for a specific item (the one will be sure to be violated).
 
• Letters must be pithy.
 
• Letters must be signed.
 
• When possible I will ask for an autographed photo.

In this day and age I decided email would be too easy. The art of the letter is nearly lost. This is a skill I have not bothered cultivating. I am trying to change this. This site is inspired by the Lazlo Letters and by sitting through English 302: Business Communication about 66 times. Back in the early 90s when 4800 baud was considered good, and the animated gif was the height of internet technology, I was a poor schlep forced to sit though this class some 5 times a week, 3 semesters a year, for at least 4 years. I was a computer lab monitor babysitting idiots and the immature. Not a lot has changed in my life since then.

From the ISU Catalog:

Engl 302. Business Communication. (3-0) Cr. 3. F.S. S.S. Prereq: 250, junior classification. Theory, principles and processes of effective written communication typically encountered in business and the professions. Extensive practice in many areas of workplace communication, including letter, memo, and email correspondence…

When I first started this project I was unsure which address I would be sending the letters to. I mean do you send it to the marketing department, advertising, corporate headquarters, or etc.? This problem was quickly solved once I learned it’s hard to find any address for most of these companies or individuals. They would prefer you contact them through email or a web form. Finding a physical address, in some cases, was quite the challenge. I probably will even get some of them incorrect, since I often had to resort to a third party’s website to find an address.

My handwriting is bad to say the least. My girlfriend says it’s like a Kindergartner’s. She’s being too kind. I am incapable of making a letter the same way twice. And this is when I print (even I can’t read my cursive if too much time has passed after I’ve written something down)!

Someone suggested that these letters will get me put on a “watch list,” and again, the overly kind girlfriend said they won’t bother doing that, they’ll “just come for you in the night!” Another friend doesn’t think anyone will bother writing back. Who knows what will happen? Not me.

But I aim to find out, aim to share, and aim to have some fun.

Christopher L. Jorgensen

I read once that people who make a list of their goals are more likely to do them than people who just keep this list in their heads. I made up a list of 100 lifetime goals a few years back and was amazed at how many I was able to knock off in a fairly short time. I am still trying to find that list, since I am sure there are things on it I would still like to do. For sure there were things on it I no longer have a desire to accomplish. For financial and sanity reasons I don’t think I want to get a pilot’s license or learn to scuba dive anymore. Some of those goals will probably make me laugh now. I may never find it. A fresh start is probably a better idea anyway.

I am up to item 22 on my current list. I want 100 again. We’ll see how long it take me to get it done. I feel like I’ve got a good start. Once I get it done I will post the list here and start whacking at it.

I have several ideas about things to post here. I have a post about an abandoned house I want to write, one about barbed wire, one about eBay, TV shows, Steven Erikson, webdesign, and tons of other topics. Problem is I know most of these will take me a bit, and I just don’t have the ambition. Pretty sure whatever I do put up here today will land under the “Lame” category (yes, I do have one, check at the end of this post).

I know everyone walks through a life of bullshit, and I probably don’t have a lot to complain about, but if you can’t complain in your own webspace, why have it? Lately things have been seeming harder. Nothing big, just a lot of little things with cumulative effect.

You know, I hate yard work, and that’s coming up again. I could just pay a kid to do it again, but think I don’t want to spend that kind of money this year. Besides, I’ve been thinking I miss the personal satisfaction I used to get from doing it. But at the same time, I start to think about what all else I have to do and the time and effort savings starts to look good.

Summer’s coming, and while I got the winter blues pretty bad this year, I am still dreading summer. I am not a fan of heat. I do like a spot of sun, but Iowa Summers can be a bit brutal. It’s a bit funny to me to sit her complaining about summer coming up, since it’s just started to warm up. Same thing happens to me in autumn though. September and October is my favorite time of year, but these months are the precursors of winter. And since I love winter for about two days, I go into autumn with a bit of sadness (boo hoo).

I do have a few fun things I am working on, and they make me smile, but they also add to that workload. I think know I need a vacation. I just need to get away for a few days and do little. Get away from work, the internet, my house (and cat), and cell phone. Or I need to take a random day off and have a Dexter marathon. I’d prefer to do something relaxing and productive (like working on creative projects away from my computer), but I’d be content to do nothing of substance during a worry-free day (is there such a thing?).

I really hate finances, and make stupid assumptions all too often. I know I need to sit down and hammer out an actual budget with actual numbers and stop being taken by surprise by things like utility bills or car insurance. I know if I did this in a disciplined manner I would haver more cash to spend. Or at least it would feel this way. I’m not really complaining about this either. Things are going the correct direction, and I am a bit more optimistic than I was. Doesn’t mean I like finances any better.

I’ve been wanting to make a list of 100 goals again. I did this once before. I know if I did it again some of the things I thought would be cool before wouldn’t even be on the list.  Hhhhhmmmm, this actually sounds like something I should get together as a site post! Might be fun. Off to do that now.

I don’t feel like writing anything today, and since this is my journal you can’t make me! but you could download this song and make me rich!