I originally posted this over 4 years ago on a website running pMachine Pro on an iMac in my basement. I was surprised to find the article in question was still out there. I wonder if Barbara Mallon is still taking questions about crap along the road some 10 years on.

ROADSIDE HUMAN WASTE DISPOSAL CREATING UNSANITARY CONDITIONS

AMES, IOWA - The Iowa Department of Transportation is appealing to motorists traveling on Iowa’s roadways to use the state’s rest areas, truck stops or other public restroom facilities to safely and sanitarily dispose of liquid and solid human waste.

My favorite quote from the article, “The practice of throwing or dumping bottles, cans or bags containing human waste along Iowa’s interstates and primary highways creates an unpleasant, unattractive and unsanitary environment. These products can also result in the injury, destruction or loss of Iowa’s natural resources.”

Read for yourself: http://www.dot.state.ia.us/morgue/news1997/10309701.htm And please, give Barbara a call! Me? I think I am writing her a letter, suggestion a full blown ad campaign! I mean, this memo was enough to make me quit dumping my bags of feces alongside Iowa roads, but if this really is a problem I think the public needs to be made aware!

Oh, what I wouldn’t give for a pre 9/11/01 world again, when this is what Iowa’s government was concerned about.

I have a whole bunch of posts nearly ready to go. Most have been nearly ready to go for months. It’s to where I’ve decided to either finish them, or delete them. My TV post was one such as this. I have one on politics, one on finding purpose in life, one on Steven Erikson’s books (The Malazan Books of the Fallen), and one on an Ugly Shirt, and one on redesigning a website that I want to redesign again, since I ended up using that design on my letters site. So this week I am going to try to make the effort to either get them up, or get rid of them.

So my jackassletters.com site is pretty close to done. Oh, I have a lot more planned for it, but the base functionality is there. I’ve gotten around 15 responses, and I’ve been having a blast. I still need to enable commenting, need to make the gallery look a bit better, need to come up with a contact form, and need more logos, but at this point the bottleneck is typing in the responses I receive.

I don’t intend to have this site be as busy, complex, or cluttered as some of my previous projects. This will be an exercise in minimalism for me.

I’m not really sure what my long term goals are with the site. I guess to just have some fun, see how long before I end up in jail, and keep writing! How many people do you know who have written the President and Vice President, one of his Senators, his Governor, the Queen of England, the ATF, the FBI, the CIA, the NYT (New York Times), the NAACP, Rev. Wright, Casey’s, Budweiser, the American Kennel Club, Red Lobster, The Cheesecake Factory, Jehova’s Witnesses, the Church of Jesus Christ and the Later-Day Saints, Scientologists, Des Moines Art Center, Steve Jobs, Wal-Mart, and some 60 other people or companies in the last three weeks!

Ok, how many people you know who wrote even one letter that used the actual US Post Office for delivery?

Not that I ever failed to look forward to the workday ending, and getting my ass home, but now I have something to look forward to when I get there. I always check the mailbox as soon as I pull into the garage! I am still optimistic and keep thinking “I’ll have 5 or more tonight!” My record is 4, but that only happened once or twice.

Yesterday I only got one letter, it’s 15 minutes too early to see if I got one today, so it’s coffee time.

Well, check the site out if you like, let me know what you think, and check back often. A new letter goes up every morning, M-F, at 7 AM.

I can believe I am up to 39 letters written. Most of them have been mailed even. I think I have like 5 to send out tomorrow. No replies yet, but I really hadn’t thought there would be. I do expect to have a fairly high rate of replies, but the first letters were only sent out last Friday. It hasn’t even been a week yet. It’s a bit much to be thinking I’d have some already. I still look every day and am excited to go to the mailbox, which was half the goal.

This site is suffering though. I haven’t made as many in depth posts here, and I’ve missed a couple days lately. Oh well. I do what’s fun. And right now that the letters I’ve been writing. I doubt she’ll write back, so I’ll post the one I’m sending to Dr. Laura tomorrow:

April 17, 2008

Dr. Laura Schlessinger
P.O. Box 8120
Van Nuys, CA 91409

Dear Dr. Schlessinger,

Did you ever see the episode of West Wing where you were lampooned? I kind of think that was unfair, since I know you would have stood up when the President entered the room, right?

I saw the naked pictures of you on the internet. There are some things a man wishes he could just unsee! I didn’t have even one impure thought. It was worse than the time I watched the “2 Girls 1 Cup” video. Have you ever seen that? It’s disgusting.

Speaking of photos…can I get an autographed one? I prefer one where your clothes are on,  but that’s really up to you.

I listen to your show, but think you are evil. Whenever I find myself agreeing with you I have to reexamine my beliefs. Thankfully this doesn’t happen too often.

Sincerely,

Christopher L. Jorgensen

As you can see, I’m not really a fan of hers and would like to see her defenestrated. Or just permanently muted.