I won’t get all gushy or start saying the world needs more dead stars, but I really thought my zero dollars were well spent on this one. It’s not going down as the best movie ever, and even a store clerk I talked to beforehand said he thought the first was better (which scared me, since I wasn’t so excited about the first). Sadly, I think he was correct. I got bored in parts. But I’d been looking forward to “The Dark Knight” for months. I like Bale and I like the director. And Ledger’s never done anything to piss me off other than die, so my expectations were high.

I went in expecting the greatest movie ever, and was super excited I’d paid nothing for it.

Ok, so maybe not zero dollars were spent, but I bought Batman Begins at Wal-Mart yesterday (if you care, I wrote them jackass letters: letter 1, letter 2). Anyway, the DVD came with “movie dollars,” which I figured were a scam. But after jumping on the internet and finding out the internet says my local movie theater takes “movie dollars” I was reassured, since there are no scams on the internet. It’s like believing everything on TV (I’m told this is fine). For the purchase of a $6 DVD I got a free $5 matinee ticket (would have been worth $7.50 if I’d gone at night).

So $1 for the flick, $4 for a large soda pop. $5 (even I can do that math)! So nearly zero dollars.

I got there early, but the place was packed. I paced up one side, down the other, back up the first side, saw three in a row unoccupied. I asked the man of the couple sitting on the end politely if I could take one of the seats. I slid past them, sat in the middle of these three open seats, a little annoyed they made me squeeze past them, when it would have been easier to just stand up and let me in. But hey, whatever works.

After the movie was over, I turn to the guy two seats over, asked, “You know if there’s more after the credits?” He says, “You’ve bothered us enough. Don’t talk to me.” He was genuinely pissed. Wow. So I said, “Sorry,” and before I could ask how, he says, “Texting though the whole damn movie!”

Ok, fair enough. I repeated I was sorry, and once outside I checked the logs. I had txted bunches during the previews, and twittered a few times, but during the movie I’d only sent one text (no tweets). But like I said, I did get bored, so I was checking my Black Berry a lot. I wanted the movie to be over so I could go home. I do feel bad if this was disturbing the guy, but, honestly, I never pulled it out of my pocket more than needed to see the time and calculate how much longer I had to sit there. And I don’t think it was more that 4 or 5 times.

I did have to piss during the movie, asked him and his date to let me out, so I guess that can count against me as well. Maybe they were pissed I gave them the ass as I left and again when I came back.

I did genuinely feel bad I’d contributed to this guy not enjoying himself until I got outside and realized I’d only sent one whole text during the actual movie. I hate when people are talking during films, or make lots of noise with their food, or lack the ability to whisper, or whatever. So I was all ready to hate myself for being a jerk. But if only there had been a way for this guy sitting 2 chairs away (with no one between us) to saying I was impacting his enjoyment. If only he could have maybe nudged me or something or whispered, “The light from that is bothering me.” Guess what, I would have not checked it again, no matter how boring the flick got.

The irony here is they waited until the credits to say anything. They were sitting through them, not getting up. I was just wanting to leave, but figured if they were blocking me in it was for a reason. Guess he was just waiting around, to give me what for. Once again, if he hadn’t been so lazy as to refuse to stand at the end of the movie, and let people out, I would have been gone. Once he’d had his say, he left to. Big of him (that’s an inside joke you see, since he was fat).

Next time, when I squeeze past him and his fat date, I’m giving them both the cock.

But I am sorry if I ruined your movie, jackass.