I do a lot of bitching about not having the time to do everything I want to do. Then, every now and again, I step back and take a quick look at what I am doing, and what I think I would like to be doing. Taking stock if you will.

I constantly feel a bit creatively stifled, but in reality I spend a lot of time doing creative things. I get worked up because I haven’t written a short story in a couple years or longer (and I have had ideas), it’s been a while since I’ve completed a poem (lots of false starts), I don’t read nearly as much as I did when I was unemployed, I haven’t worked on a chapbook in over a year (have had some ideas languishing for many years), I’ve been wanting to make wooden boxes and do some Joseph Cornell type shadow/collage boxes, I want to make more masks of clay, want to launch new websites, want to do more audio work, I have ideas for paintings and drawings and stupid small projects (artist portfolio, etc.), and I try to work on all of these things on occasion!

When I do step back, I realize I am doing a lot of creative things. Sure, not as much as I would like, but I can’t imagine the life where I got to do everything I wanted. I just don’t think it’s possible. I also don’t want to focus. If I am to take an objective stance on this stuff, I’d need to prioritize, and attack, or neglect, or downright abandon. This idea sucks. I don’t do a lot of this to try to accomplish anything, I do it as a release. If I concentrated on masks for example, decided what I really wanted to do creatively was nothing but masks, wanted to see how far I could push this, wanted to see if I could display them and sell them, it would quickly feel like work.

I have been doing things. I’ve been writing tons of letters have designed a website for that very same thing. It wasn’t so very long ago that I made a set of masks. And some times it’s best to take time off things like poetry.

So what am I saying? Do I need to give some of this stuff up, move on to things I enjoy the most, things I can get done? No way. I just need to ride what’s tickling my fancy, need to decide this is good enough for right now, stop being frustrated that I am not able to do all of the above, realize I really wouldn’t want to even if I could.

All of this is applicable to everything in my life. Education, my job, relationships (friends, family, girlfriend), the house, finances, fitness, goals, and pretty much anything else I could add to this list.

I am sure I’ve forgotten to mention lots of things in here, and I am fine with that. There’s a lot vying for my time. Movies, cultural events (theater, art openings, concerts, etc.), and again shit I am not even thinking of or am too lazy to make sure gets added.

The saying goes, be happy with what you have, and I really am. I don’t have a lot to complain about, so I hope this hasn’t come off this way. This wasn’t my intention or purpose. Off to write some letters!