I’m sure it has something to do with the cold. Sure it has something to do with my finances. Something to do with winter’s lack of light. Morale (mine and the people around me). Something to do with…. (I could go on for quite some time, but honestly it would get depressing quickly). Regardless, I’ve been feeling lazy lately. I was going to write unambitious, but that’s not the correct word. I do have ambition, have tons of projects I would like to address, but pulling the trigger on any of them seems too daunting. Even finishing my list of things I would like to accomplish in 2009 is taking me longer than it should.
I’m not going to get all whiney about everything I haven’t been feeling like doing lately, will touch on only a few highlights, and hope I don’t stress myself out. I haven’t written a letter in a month. I haven’t gone to a poetry slam, movie, or concert in quite some time. Long enough that I can’t really remember the last one of any of these. Lately that I am also creatively blocked. Not writers’ block, not lack or ambition, and not laziness. Regardless of what it is, I haven’t written a poem, short story, or done anything creative for too long. Things like making masks I can’t just do whenever I feel like it, but I have other things along these lines I haven’t been working on either. No chapbooks, no new site features on any of my sites, etc. And by etc. I mean all the little things floating around in my head.
Enough of that! This is where I am supposed to resolve to do all the things that have gone undone, but I am not going to do that. I’m also not going to attempt to explain why I haven’t managed to do any of these things. I guess just by venting I may light a fire under my own ass, but I don’t really care. I’m making a note of the situation, not trying to solve anything. Call it journaling if you will. Rambling if you prefer.
It probably sounds like I am frustrated and regret filled. Only somewhat. Sometimes you need to back away from the crap that overwhelms your life. And if that’s what I was doing here I’d probably be fine. I think it has more to do with too many options. Or put another way lack of focus. I honestly don’t know where to start. Easiest or hardest? Highest priority or things I can knock out quickly to get a sense of accomplishment? Who knows. I think the place to start is getting my 2009 goals finished. Or maybe I should get the one of the chapbooks I’ve been thinking about done. Or maybe sell some stuff on eBay. Or exercise. Or get the bunny coloring book finished. Or work on the best metafilter post ever. Or write a short story. Or…never mind, that way lies madness. I could go on forever.
On the plus side, I did manage to add another 7 things to my “To Do in 2009” list! I might even do some.

[Update: Got the 2009 Goals list to 55 items, which is enough to get started. Will post them tomorrow morning.]